Failure to cry
I am so frustrated and sad. I have screwed up somewhere in my daily activites and grieving. I have an emotional malfunction and am unable to cry. I need it, I know I need it bad. The best that I have given myself is tears while sewing. But they well up in my eyes and perhaps two may fall, and then I pull them back in. I don't know why, I yearn for that cleansing relief that comes after a good cry. I know they will help release my negative emotions, and yet they still fail to fall. Perhaps it is because I don't want to cry alone. I feel the need for a good solid hug from someone who is a part of me. And that just makes me miss my brother that much more. I hear is voice in my mind and my heart aches, and yet the tears still cannot fall. So instead I busy myself with life and all the little tasks. I earn myself headaches at the end of the day from this unreleased grief and make myself ignore the pain with some tylenol PM. There is a better way, but I am frustrated and find myself with a failure to cry.
posted by doingwhatilove @ 8:34 PM
2 Comments:
Marion, I love you.
give yourself permission to not be strong. or as a friend of mine said, go ahead and be mad, beat a pillow and tell him what an ungrateful brat he is for putting us through all this cruelty and deserting us. especially true for you and liz because he deserted your kids as well. later you can understand and accept that he was desperate and was determined that he wouldn't fail at this one last thing he choose to do. mom
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