Refreshingly honest?
Kids are the true purveyors of honesty. They will tell whatever they are thinking with out a second thought. And though while I enjoy honesty versus lying, especially from my kids, sometimes it would nicer if they kept their thought to themselves...
Example:
Yesterday Aid and Lil were getting ready to take a bath. At the last minute I asked them if I could take a quick shower before they got in the tub. Fine by them, so I turned on the shower, de-robed, and waited for the water to reach a stable temperature. While standing there with my hand in the shower, Aid comes up behind me and pushes on my ass. He walks away, then turns around and says "Your butt is disgusting." I'm trying not to laugh at his out-of-the-blue comment, and say "Aid that's not nice, my butt is not disgusting, why do you say that?" To which he replies, "Yes it is, it's fat. Daddy has a fat butt too." "You and daddy have fat butts." I was trying so hard not to laugh that I couldn't talk. If I could I would have explained how saying things like that could be hurtful to ones feelings.
Then this morning, I'm helping Jen get ready for school. She's brushing her teeth, and I'm putting her shoes on so she won't miss the bus. I'm singing, and she tells me to stop. She says my singing is bad. I ask her if she really means that, or is she just frustrated with me because I'm annoying her. She says "No, it's true. Your singing is bad."
I could get quite a complex from these two. But I don't let it bother me because my ass is always covered in public, and I only sing at home. I also know my self esteem is strong enough to withstand a couple of very honest kids.
Put a hose by the back door
Digging to China. This has got to be the ultimate goal for every child that picks up a shovel. Ignorant of any rules or messes being made, they just keep shoveling away. I'm not too keen on mud. And yesterday there was a solid trail of it running from my back yard, across the deck, through the kitchen, and into the living room. I was cleaning the bedrooms, and folding laundry and was not aware of this trail being made until it was too late. Needless to say I was not happy. But I kept my cool and told him to go outside and take his boots off. Then Jen gets home and wants to play outside with Aid. I tell them to clean up the mess, no more digging, and put the shovels in the garage. Aid starts sweeping up the loose mud, and Jen grabs a wet sponge and dish towel to wipe up the mud. I standing there knowing that that is not how I would have done it. I wanted to stop them and shoo them outside, but then I realized, "Hey, it's getting clean right? And you aren't having to do it, right?" So I went back to my tasks, and they finished up. (They actually did a really good job too.)
So this morning Jen's looking for her shoes. Can't find them anywhere, and has to wear her old ones. She's not happy about it because they're lace ups. She's also having an issue with her jeans. (I don't think she likes jeans), and wants to change. I tell her she took too long getting dressed because she was sitting on the heat register (kinda like how we used to stand right in front of the woodstove in the mornings), and doesn't have the extra time now. She still hasn't brushed her hair, or teeth, and she doesn't have her shoes on, so I tell forget it. I have to get milk, so I will just take her to school. I get the other two dressed, but can't find Aid's shoes. Then I remember they're in daddy's truck. So I go looking for replacements. I have at least 3 pairs of Aid's shoes in the shoe basket, all too small. His boots are caked in mud from digging to China yesterday. Then I remember that my friend had given me snow boots her kids outgrew. I open the back door to go to the garage and get them, and not only are Aid's boots out there caked in mud, so are Jen's new shoes. Nice.
Next time, I'm just hosing them all down before they come in.
How will it be for you....
How does this day flow...
Are you stuck in bed with an illness you just can't shake, while memories float above your mind. Restless sleep that only makes the heartache stronger. Or perhaps you are sitting at work, with only the occasionally pondering allowed. Where your mind wanders off with the thoughts of words said, and those unsaid. Only to have to pull yourself back in and focus on the task at hand. No silent place to shed your tears, no warm embrace to quell your fears.
Perhaps you are in a place where the one next to you is grieving more. And you feel their pain amidst your own, and it's more than you want to share. Where you desire a hug, to comfort you, but you know there is no comfort in a shared loss. So you hide away, to let the grief be felt alone by those who bear it.
Or perhaps you are sitting and typing this. Fighting tears of sorrow, and wishing family wasn't so far. So many distractions to cover the hurt. But it's only a matter of time before the night brings a quiet house. I'm listening to the CD mom compiled, and some lyrics just seem to make the tears fall.
"Well, I told my momma on the day I was born, Don't you cry when you see I'm gone. You know there ain't no woman gonna settle me down, I just gotta be travelin' on."
"My yesterday's are all boxed up, and neatly put away. But every now and then you come to mind.....But your demons and your angels reappeared. Leaving all the traces of the man you thought you'd be. Leaving me with no place left to go from here. Leaving me with so many questions all these years. But is there somplace far away, someplace where all is clear. Easy to start over with the ones you hold so dear, or are we left to wonder all alone eternally. No, this isn't how it's really meant to be."
"And I feel stuck watching history repeating. Yeah who am I? Just a kid who knows he's leaving."
"You've been taken by the wind, you have known the kiss of sorrow....You have come by way of sorrow, you have come by way of tears. But you'll reach your destiny, meant to find you all these years, meant to find you all these years....All the nights that joy has slept, will awake to days of laughter. Gone the tears that you have wept, you'll dance in freedom ever after."
"Let me know that you hear me.
Let me know your touch.
Let me know that you love me.
Let that be enough."
Wahhh...I grew up!
I'm in the kitchen making cookies. Dinner's over, the kids are playing together, and I'm noticing w/o noticing their game. Jen is pretty much playing her own thing, voicing the various parts, complete with actions and attitude. I'm listening w/o listening to her game and I realize that I used to play the same way. We are so much alike, her and I, and I hope she will be able to hold on to that childhood mentality even into her 20's or 30's. I remember still playing with my dolls (Gotz, very nice) even after I got married, of course Jen usually joined me. But 6+ years later, they are laying in their plastic case (coffin), in the garage. I don't remember when I put them in there, but I think adulthood probably came shortly after. Ugh...
Having kids will not keep you young. It will age you faster, whether it be in physical apperance- Grey hairs, wrinkles, extra weight, and that famous "I lost some weight, look at what's leftover." Mentally- Calculating your age when they finally leave the house, realizing you can't fit into the really good hiding places, you over hear them tell their friends "Yeah, my mom's old", you realize that you are a seperate entity from your mom and dad-complete with your own family issues, and when playing "pirates" at the park with them is an embarrasment because "you're too old to play" or Financially- Their first car, college, weddings? You start calculating how many years you have to save.
But I've been blessed, for there is only one person I want to have by side whilst I grow "old" My love, my life, my husband. Together we shall bring up our children into (hopefully) wonderful young adults, so that we may laugh along with them as they realize their "oldness."
